The House of My Mother by Shari Franke

Published: January 7, 2025 by Gallery Books

Buy this book at: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo

Synopsis:

Shari Franke’s childhood was a constant battle for survival. Her mother, Ruby Franke, enforced a severe moral code while maintaining a façade of a picture-perfect family for their wildly popular YouTube channel 8 Passengers, which documented the day-to-day life of raising six children for a staggering 2.5 million subscribers. But a darker truth lurked beneath the surface—Ruby’s wholesome online persona masked a more tyrannical parenting style than anyone could have imagined.

As the family’s YouTube notoriety grew, so too did Ruby’s delusions of righteousness. Fueled by the sadistic influence of relationship coach Jodi Hildebrandt, together they implemented an inhumane and merciless disciplinary regime.

Ruby and Jodi were arrested in Utah in 2023 on multiple charges of aggravated child abuse. On that fateful day, Shari shared a photo online of a police car outside their home. Her caption had one word: “Finally.”

For the first time, Shari will reveal the disturbing truth behind 8 Passengers and her family’s devastating involvement with Jodi Hildebrandt’s cultish life coaching program, “ConneXions.” No stone is left unturned as Shari exposes the perils of influencer culture and shares for the first time her battle for truth and survival in the face of her mother’s cruelty.

Rating:

Review:

“From the very start, it seemed, my childhood was destined to be a fight for survival.”

I never watched the 8 Passengers channel regularly, but because I have a young child who loves the watch family vlogging on YouTube I was familiar with it. I saw enough of it to be very concerned about Ruby Franke’s parenting. It made me feel uncomfortable with how much of her children’s private lives were being shared. Honestly, this is still a big problem I have with family YouTubers. I find inherent ethical problems with publishing content featuring minor children. Firstly because it’s putting children out there online for easy access to viewing by predators. Second because children are not mature enough to give informed consent. These kids have no idea what it will mean to have a video online of them shaving their legs for the first time, or showing them being punished for normative behavior. So, I find it unethical to start with and I question the kind of parents who are willing to exploit their children’s lives for views and ad revenue.

The first time I became closely aware of Ruby Franke and her family is when she was arrested in 2023. I knew the family was Mormon, and I was raised Mormon. Because I have social connections in the Mormon sphere I was immediately aware of the criminal case. And I followed it thoroughly. And I am so glad that Shari decided to put out her story, I hope it was a therapeutic experience for her. I listened to the audiobook which was voiced by the author. I think that was the absolute right choice. It added a different layer of emotion to the words. It’s one thing to hear the words, it’s another thing to hear her voice break a little, hear how painful the memory still is. But also to hear her voice lift and sound so joyful when she learns that her siblings are finally safe from their mother. I cried almost the whole way through this book, it was so moving and riveting.

Utimately this is a story about the Mormon church and how its culture created Ruby Franke. As Shari herself speculates, if she wasn’t raised this way then maybe Ruby would have never decided to have children, which would have prevented so many people from being harmed. In the Mormon church, Shari explains, women are taught that motherhood is divine. It is the ultimate purpose of women in life. It is the only way to fully experience and appreciate womanhood. Women who choose not to have children are thought of as selfish and lacking something in their lives, they’ll never be a complete woman. Women who are unable to have children are often soothed by other women that God will give them lots of children in heaven. For a woman like Ruby Franke, who fundamentally felt that something was missing in her life, it makes sense that she decided that missing piece was children. And so, she had 6 of them. And she hated them. She wasn’t mentally or emotionally equipped to be a mother. Who knows what kind of life Ruby would have had if she had been taught that there was any other path?

Shari also talks about the YouTube channel a lot. How it felt to be judged by random internet strangers. To be told by the viewers that she was a “suck up”, when internally she was terrified of what would happen if she didn’t do exactly as she was told. Feeling desperate to just live her life and deal with the challenges of growing up without being filmed. But Ruby wouldn’t allow it.

“Our subscribers didn’t understand what it was like to live under Ruby’s iron fist, they didn’t know the consequences of stepping out of line. I’m not sucking up, I’m surviving, I thought. There’s a difference.”

Shari is quite clear, Ruby was an abusive mother. She was verbally and emotionally abusive all the time, physically abusive on occasion. But when Ruby met Jodi it all spiraled out of control. Her father, Kevin, was demonized as a controlling abuser and the only way he could save his family was by abandoning them. Shari doesn’t give him a free pass. She recognizes that he was an enabler to her mother’s abusive and toxic behavior for years, but that the worst things didn’t start until after he left the home. Jodi demanded that he spend a year with no contact with his wife or his children, it was therapy. And in the end, it all ended with Ruby and Jodi being arrested after the two youngest children were rescued. Luckily Ruby and Jodi will spend a really long time in prison. Kevin has been reunited with his children and is trying to get them help. I hope that Shari finds peace in the end. I hope that they all find healing. It’s a heartbreaking story and I think it should make all of us take a hard look at our YouTube viewing habits.