memoir

Sociopath: A Mean Girls Sequel

by Stefani

Sociopath by Patric Gagne

Published: April 2, 2024 by Simon & Schuster

Buy this book at: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo

Synopsis:

Patric Gagne realized she made others uncomfortable before she started kindergarten. Something about her caused people to react in a way she didn’t understand. She suspected it was because she didn’t feel things the way other kids did. Emotions like fear, guilt, and empathy eluded her. For the most part, she felt nothing. And she didn’t like the way that “nothing” felt.

She did her best to pretend she was like everyone else, but the constant pressure to conform to a society she knew rejected anyone like her was unbearable. So Patric stole. She lied. She was occasionally violent. She became an expert lock-picker and home-invader. All with the goal of replacing the nothingness with…something.

In college, Patric finally confirmed what she’d long suspected. She was a sociopath. But even though it was the very first personality disorder identified—well over 200 years ago—sociopathy had been neglected by mental health professionals for decades. She was told there was no treatment, no hope for a normal life. She found herself haunted by sociopaths in pop culture, madmen and evil villains who are considered monsters. Her future looked grim.

But when Patric reconnects with an old flame, she gets a glimpse of a future beyond her diagnosis. If she’s capable of love, it must mean that she isn’t a monster. With the help of her sweetheart (and some curious characters she meets along the way) she embarks on a mission to prove that the millions of Americans who share her diagnosis aren’t all monsters either.

Rating:

Review:

There have been a lot of interesting opinions and theories about this book and its author. It appears that the “university” that gave her a Ph.D merged with another university and may/or may not have been a diploma mill. And it’s not clear if they even had a Ph.D program in the thing she claims to have gotten her degree in. She has no published papers. Even her doctoral thesis isn’t available because, according to her uploading them online wasn’t mandatory at the school. Frankly, I don’t even think it’s clear she was “diagnosed” as a sociopath. First, sociopath isn’t a diagnosis in the DSM. Sociopathy is a colloquial term for antisocial personality disorder, and is considered a less malignant version of psychopathy. Her therapist had her take a test and then said it sounded like she was a sociopath. Technically I guess therapists are considered trained to make diagnoses but that seems a little simple and not remotely the experience of a lot of people who are trying to get a diagnosis for their mental health concerns.

Anyway, moving on from these points I am not going to speculate on whether the author is, or is not, a sociopath. I am certainly not trained or educated to make such a claim either way. Some of the things she describes seem to be evident of symptoms of the disorder but others are not. For someone who claims not to care about how others feel she certainly seems to care about upsetting people throughout the portion of the book I read. She falls in love, she has children that she claims to love. But if you have no feelings about other people and don’t care how they feel, then……how does that happen? I guess this is the problem with telling me on page 1 that you’re an unreliable narrator and a liar. I will never be able to tell if you’re lying to me or not.

This book was just really lame in the end. I got bored with it halfway through and put it down. There’s only so many stories I can listen to about Patric being mean to someone and then whining about being a sociopath and no one understands her. She talks so much about her “deviant” behavior but most of the “illegal” or deviant” things that she does are just lame. Like going into her neighbor’s house when they aren’t home. Sure, technically it’s breaking and entering but all she did while she was in the house was sit in the living room and look at their belongings. She says she steals things all the time but it’s never anything of value. It’s stupid stuff like a lost necklace or a hair barrette. She claims she steals people’s cars in college. Which is not even technically true. She convinces drunk frat boys to give her their keys to go get snacks. The drunk frat boys agree with the hopes that she’ll sleep with them when she returns. She drives the cars around for awhile, gets the snacks, fills the gas tank and brings it back. Wow, so deviant!

In the end this book was about a rich white girl who didn’t want to be boring. So she decided to be edgy and not care about anyone. But she still has an excuse to be rude and mean to people sometimes, she’s a sociopath so of course she was mean! I have no idea how she thinks this book is going to help all the poor misunderstood sociopaths out there, the whole book is just Patric being a mean girl. How is that helping anyone? I gave up, it was boring and a waste of my time.

A Day in the Life of a Dull British Man: Alan Rickman’s Diaries

by Stefani

Madly Deeply: The Diaries of Alan Rickman

Published: October 18, 2022 by Henry, Holt & Co

Buy this book at: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo

Synopsis:

Madly Deeply is a rare invitation into the mind of Alan Rickman—one of the most magnetic, beloved performers of our time.

From his breakout role in Die Hard to his outstanding, multifaceted performances in the Harry Potter films, Galaxy Quest, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and more, Alan Rickman cemented his legacy as a world-class actor. His air of dignity, his sonorous voice, and the knowing wit he brought to each role continue to captivate audiences today.

But Rickman’s ability to breathe life into projects wasn’t confined to just his performances. As you’ll find, Rickman’s diaries detail the extraordinary and the ordinary, flitting between worldly and witty and gossipy, while remaining utterly candid throughout. He takes us inside his home, on trips with friends across the globe, and on the sets of films and plays ranging from Sense and Sensibility, to Noël Coward’s Private Lives, to the final film he directed, A Little Chaos.

Running from 1993 to his death in 2016, the diaries provide singular insight into Rickman’s public and private life. Reading them is like listening to Rickman chatting to a close companion. Meet Rickman the consummate professional actor, but also the friend, the traveler, the fan, the director, the enthusiast; in short, the man beyond the icon.

Madly, Deeply features a photo insert, a foreword by Emma Thompson, and an afterword by Rima Horton.

Rating:

Review:

Inspired by the Tom Felton memoir I decided to give this one a listen. Seeing that I am a huge fan of Alan Rickman and knew that he kept diaries for many years, I had hoped to find something inspiring, sweet, fulfilling, or even insightful. Unfortunately, this book badly needed an editor.

“Jurassic Park—what the hell is the plot? Great dinosaurs.”

While the quote is amusing, this is about as deep as the book ever goes. There is an awful lot of musings about friends coming over for dinner, or a new person that Alan had an encounter with, or something that happened during his day to day. Unfortunately, that’s about all there is. The writing is disjointed with little explanation of what is going on. Names are dropped with no explanation of who those people are until much later, events are described but not explained to the reader at all. This could have had a lot of potential if an editor went through the bits about the daily life and extracted the interesting tidbits and then tidied those up for publication. Instead we get over 400 pages of disjointed thoughts, incomplete sentences and random asides.

A disappointing result that could have been so much better. I gave it two stars because there were a few laughs but I ended up calling it quits about a third of the way through. I just couldn’t listen to another dull British day.

“Good food but on my top ten hate list would be over-attentive waiters – I like watching my wine glass get emptier. I am close to slapping the arm of the next waiter who refills my glass after every sip.”

Beyond the Wand: Tom Felton’s Wizarding World Adventures

by Stefani

Beyond the Wand: The Magic and Mayhem of Growing Up a Wizard by Tom Felton

Published: October 18, 2022 by Grand Central Publishing

Buy this book at: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo

Synopsis:

Tom Felton’s adolescence was anything but ordinary. His early rise to fame in beloved films like The Borrowers catapulted him into the limelight, but nothing could prepare him for what was to come after he landed the iconic role of the Draco Malfoy, the bleached blonde villain of the Harry Potter movies. For the next ten years, he was at the center of a huge pop culture phenomenon and yet, in between filming, he would go back to being a normal teenager trying to fit into a normal school.

Speaking with great candor and his signature humor, Tom shares his experience growing up as part of the wizarding world while also trying to navigate the muggle world. He tells stories from his early days in the business like his first acting gig where he was mistaken for fellow blonde child actor Macaulay Culkin and his Harry Potter audition where, in a very Draco-like move, he fudged how well he knew the books the series was based on (not at all). He reflects on his experiences working with cinematic greats such as Alan Rickman, Sir Michael Gambon, Dame Maggie Smith, and Ralph Fiennes (including that awkward Voldemort hug). And, perhaps most poignantly, he discusses the lasting relationships he made over that decade of filming, including with Emma Watson, who started out as a pesky nine-year-old whom he mocked for not knowing what a boom mic was but who soon grew into one of his dearest friends. Then, of course, there are the highs and lows of fame and navigating life after such a momentous and life-changing experience.

Rating:

Review:

I am not entirely sure what made me get this audiobook. I have followed Tom Felton on social media for years, I adore him! He’s such a funny, kindhearted, sincere human being. And I knew the book existed. And I just decided to listen to it. Admittedly it feels quite strange to be giving a memoir 5 stars, but here we are!

“An audience can go back and watch a film any number of times they want. It’s always there for them. For the cast and crew, the relationship with a film is more complex. The magic is in the making, and that process is a discreet unit of time in the past. You can reflect on that unit of time, you can be proud of it, but you can’t revisit it.”

It was a very good choice for this audiobook to be read by the author. I think it might not have had the same impact if he wasn’t able to add his own inflection, timing, humor and silly voices to the narrative. Having him read his own story enhanced the entire book. It was so funny and vulnerable. From his ambitions about wanting to be a carp fisherman, to discovering the wonders of room service, it was all written with an honest vulnerability and a lot of wit. I loved the stories of his time on Harry Potter of course, I am huge Harry Potter fan. But I loved everything else too. He covers everything from his first days of filming a commercial to seeking help for his mental health and alcoholism. I find myself without a whole lot to say because it was just so perfect.

One story in particular made me laugh so hard that I had tears leaking out of my eyes and my sides ached. And then just a few chapters later, I was sobbing. I didn’t expect it to be as good as it was, but I just can’t recommend it enough.

I’ll end the review with my absolute favorite line in the book. Tom is commenting on why he hasn’t ever reread the Harry Potter books or watched the movies (beyond going to the premieres). He says “I’m saving them for the moment I look forward to most…sharing these stories with my own little Muggles.” If that isn’t the most beautiful sentiment about what this fandom means to those who love it, I don’t know what is.

Progress Update Fridays – March 14, 2025

by Stefani

Pride’s Children: Netherworld by Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt

Progress: 52 of 540 pages

Check this book out at: Goodreads

How it’s going: I am thoroughly enjoying my journey back into this world so far. I will have to put this one down briefly as I have another one on my Nook that is about to expire, so have to jump other there for a minute and will be right back on this one.

The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman

Progress: 8 hours, 37 minutes of of 23 hours, 10 minutes

Check this book out at: Goodreads

How it’s going: This one started off really well. I liked Callum a lot and I was really interested in his journey. A young man who desperately wants to be a knight of the Round Table and arrives to find King Arthur dead and the Round Table in shambles. The first 3 hours were great. The last 8 have been utterly boring. I am contemplating giving up.

Sociopath: A Memoir by Patric Gagne

Progress: 32 of 368 pages

Check this book out at: Goodreads

How it’s going: The opening chapter of this book was so intensely chilling. On one hand I felt so sorry for this little girl, but on the other hand she can’t feel sorry for anyone so it’s little bit of an odd experience. I only have a few more days with this one so needed to jump in this week.

Exposing the Dark Truth Behind 8 Passengers: A Memoir

by Stefani

The House of My Mother by Shari Franke

Published: January 7, 2025 by Gallery Books

Buy this book at: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo

Synopsis:

Shari Franke’s childhood was a constant battle for survival. Her mother, Ruby Franke, enforced a severe moral code while maintaining a façade of a picture-perfect family for their wildly popular YouTube channel 8 Passengers, which documented the day-to-day life of raising six children for a staggering 2.5 million subscribers. But a darker truth lurked beneath the surface—Ruby’s wholesome online persona masked a more tyrannical parenting style than anyone could have imagined.

As the family’s YouTube notoriety grew, so too did Ruby’s delusions of righteousness. Fueled by the sadistic influence of relationship coach Jodi Hildebrandt, together they implemented an inhumane and merciless disciplinary regime.

Ruby and Jodi were arrested in Utah in 2023 on multiple charges of aggravated child abuse. On that fateful day, Shari shared a photo online of a police car outside their home. Her caption had one word: “Finally.”

For the first time, Shari will reveal the disturbing truth behind 8 Passengers and her family’s devastating involvement with Jodi Hildebrandt’s cultish life coaching program, “ConneXions.” No stone is left unturned as Shari exposes the perils of influencer culture and shares for the first time her battle for truth and survival in the face of her mother’s cruelty.

Rating:

Review:

“From the very start, it seemed, my childhood was destined to be a fight for survival.”

I never watched the 8 Passengers channel regularly, but because I have a young child who loves the watch family vlogging on YouTube I was familiar with it. I saw enough of it to be very concerned about Ruby Franke’s parenting. It made me feel uncomfortable with how much of her children’s private lives were being shared. Honestly, this is still a big problem I have with family YouTubers. I find inherent ethical problems with publishing content featuring minor children. Firstly because it’s putting children out there online for easy access to viewing by predators. Second because children are not mature enough to give informed consent. These kids have no idea what it will mean to have a video online of them shaving their legs for the first time, or showing them being punished for normative behavior. So, I find it unethical to start with and I question the kind of parents who are willing to exploit their children’s lives for views and ad revenue.

The first time I became closely aware of Ruby Franke and her family is when she was arrested in 2023. I knew the family was Mormon, and I was raised Mormon. Because I have social connections in the Mormon sphere I was immediately aware of the criminal case. And I followed it thoroughly. And I am so glad that Shari decided to put out her story, I hope it was a therapeutic experience for her. I listened to the audiobook which was voiced by the author. I think that was the absolute right choice. It added a different layer of emotion to the words. It’s one thing to hear the words, it’s another thing to hear her voice break a little, hear how painful the memory still is. But also to hear her voice lift and sound so joyful when she learns that her siblings are finally safe from their mother. I cried almost the whole way through this book, it was so moving and riveting.

Utimately this is a story about the Mormon church and how its culture created Ruby Franke. As Shari herself speculates, if she wasn’t raised this way then maybe Ruby would have never decided to have children, which would have prevented so many people from being harmed. In the Mormon church, Shari explains, women are taught that motherhood is divine. It is the ultimate purpose of women in life. It is the only way to fully experience and appreciate womanhood. Women who choose not to have children are thought of as selfish and lacking something in their lives, they’ll never be a complete woman. Women who are unable to have children are often soothed by other women that God will give them lots of children in heaven. For a woman like Ruby Franke, who fundamentally felt that something was missing in her life, it makes sense that she decided that missing piece was children. And so, she had 6 of them. And she hated them. She wasn’t mentally or emotionally equipped to be a mother. Who knows what kind of life Ruby would have had if she had been taught that there was any other path?

Shari also talks about the YouTube channel a lot. How it felt to be judged by random internet strangers. To be told by the viewers that she was a “suck up”, when internally she was terrified of what would happen if she didn’t do exactly as she was told. Feeling desperate to just live her life and deal with the challenges of growing up without being filmed. But Ruby wouldn’t allow it.

“Our subscribers didn’t understand what it was like to live under Ruby’s iron fist, they didn’t know the consequences of stepping out of line. I’m not sucking up, I’m surviving, I thought. There’s a difference.”

Shari is quite clear, Ruby was an abusive mother. She was verbally and emotionally abusive all the time, physically abusive on occasion. But when Ruby met Jodi it all spiraled out of control. Her father, Kevin, was demonized as a controlling abuser and the only way he could save his family was by abandoning them. Shari doesn’t give him a free pass. She recognizes that he was an enabler to her mother’s abusive and toxic behavior for years, but that the worst things didn’t start until after he left the home. Jodi demanded that he spend a year with no contact with his wife or his children, it was therapy. And in the end, it all ended with Ruby and Jodi being arrested after the two youngest children were rescued. Luckily Ruby and Jodi will spend a really long time in prison. Kevin has been reunited with his children and is trying to get them help. I hope that Shari finds peace in the end. I hope that they all find healing. It’s a heartbreaking story and I think it should make all of us take a hard look at our YouTube viewing habits.

Doppelganger Review: Less of a journey, more of a screed

by Stefani

Doppelganger by Naomi Klein

Published: September 12, 2023 by MacMillan

Buy this book at: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo

Synopsis:

What if you woke up one morning and found you’d acquired another self―a double who was almost you and yet not you at all? What if that double shared many of your preoccupations but, in a twisted, upside-down way, furthered the very causes you’d devoted your life to fighting against?

Not long ago, the celebrated activist and public intellectual Naomi Klein had just such an experience―she was confronted with a doppelganger whose views she found abhorrent but whose name and public persona were sufficiently similar to her own that many people got confused about who was who. Destabilized, she lost her bearings, until she began to understand the experience as one manifestation of a strangeness many of us have come to know but struggle to define: AI-generated text is blurring the line between genuine and spurious communication; New Age wellness entrepreneurs turned anti-vaxxers are scrambling familiar political allegiances of left and right; and liberal democracies are teetering on the edge of absurdist authoritarianism, even as the oceans rise. Under such conditions, reality itself seems to have become unmoored. Is there a cure for our moment of collective vertigo?

Naomi Klein is one of our most trenchant and influential social critics, an essential analyst of what branding, austerity, and climate profiteering have done to our societies and souls. Here she turns her gaze inward to our psychic landscapes, and outward to the possibilities for building hope amid intersecting economic, medical, and political crises. With the assistance of Sigmund Freud, Jordan Peele, Alfred Hitchcock, and bell hooks, among other accomplices, Klein uses wry humor and a keen sense of the ridiculous to face the strange doubles that haunt us―and that have come to feel as intimate and proximate as a warped reflection in the mirror.

Combining comic memoir with chilling reportage and cobweb-clearing analysis, Klein seeks to smash that mirror and chart a path beyond despair. Doppelganger What do we neglect as we polish and perfect our digital reflections? Is it possible to dispose of our doubles and overcome the pathologies of a culture of multiplication? Can we create a politics of collective care and undertake a true reckoning with historical crimes? The result is a revelatory treatment of the way many of us think and feel now―and an intellectual adventure story for our times.

Rating:

Review:

This book was so bad. It was so bad that I gave up about 40% of the way through because I was feeling physically ill at the thought of reading any more. The synopsis asks a lot of interesting questions and I am familiar with Naomi Klein so I was hopeful that we’d get a good examination of self-identification, digital selves, and how our sense of self online might be influenced by AI/filters/influencers/etc. Unfortunately there is none of that in there.

This book starts with a simple premise. Naomi Klein frequently gets confused with Naomi Wolf. As the author says, the confusion makes some sense. Both of them share a first name. They are both women. They are both Jewish. They are both feminist authors and liberal activists. She expresses that she used to have a great admiration for Naomi Wolf, who she dubs “Other Naomi”, ever since she published The Beauty Myth in 1990. Both of them are known for their feminist takes on the world, and their dislike of greed driven capitalism. But during COVID, things starts to change. The author discovered that Other Naomi didn’t agree with her on a lot of COVID related issues. The author’s reaction to that, and the frequent confusion between them online, decided that the best course of action to take was to spend thousand of hours figuring out everything that Other Naomi was saying and doing online. She admits to neglecting her family and other life things to do so. Let’s just start with that idea. It doesn’t sound healthy. It sounds like maybe you should have taken a walk and turned off the internet for awhile.

Most of this book is a screed that is meant to harangue Other Naomi for all of her terrible opinions. And let’s be clear, Naomi Wolf has a lot of terrible opinions. But not all of them, and that is where the author started to lose credibility. She lambasts Other Naomi for suggesting that the COVID vaccine was causing menstrual issues for women. But yet, a few short years later, it was proven that it was true. Thousands of women experienced changes to their menstrual cycle after taking the COVID vaccine. Thousands of them. The National Institute of Health has published several studies about this, and a large percentage of women reported menstrual effects. So, sorry Naomi Klein this was a bad take because you were wrong.

Or when she lambasts Other Naomi for suggesting that young people shouldn’t get the vaccine because the risks don’t outweigh the benefits, and Other Naomi cites the heart issues that were making headlines as an example. Naomi Klein insists that COVID is horrible dangerous, and a potentially risky side effect is worth it! That’s her opinion, and one that she’s entitled to. But in the 2 years since COVID it’s become apparent that the risk was non-existent for healthy young people. The risk of being hospitalized or dying for a healthy young person was about 1%. And the vaccine is not useful for preventing spread to other people…so….what benefit could be gained by the potential risk? This take didn’t age well either.

So while we’re spending 90% of our time railing at Other Naomi for being wrong and bad, our author occasionally stumbles across what could be an interesting idea. She briefly talks about the idea that all of us are creating our own digital doppelganger, and how do we manage that version of ourselves with the true version of ourselves. Or when she briefly talked about AI and deep fakes, how to tell when we’re looking at a digital doppelganger. And the idea that with all of the banning and muting of people online, maybe we’ve made it a bit too easy to shut out opinions we disagree with and we create our own echochamber. But rather than actually exploring any of these ideas, they all are merely brief asides from the main topic that Other Naomi is bad and wrong.

I couldn’t take it anymore. At some point Naomi Klein seems to have forgotten that she opposes Big Business and Big Government Interference. She was part of the Occupy Wallstreet movement. Or maybe she only gets mad at the banking sector. Big Pharma is not her enemy, government intrusion into people’s lives isn’t her enemy. And that’s sad. She forgot that she used to rage against the machine and just joined the machine. Even in her worst takes Other Naomi is still true to that ideal, big business and government intrusion are bad things, even if her ideas are wrong and bad.

New Releases Wednesday – August 14, 2024

by Stefani

Dear Hanna by Zoje Stage

Published: August 13, 2024 by Thomas & Mercer

Check this book out at: Goodreads

Synopsis:

Hanna is no stranger to dark thoughts: as a young child, she tried to murder her own mother. But that was more than sixteen years ago. And extensive therapy—and writing letters to her younger brother—has since curbed those nasty tendencies.

Now twenty-four, Hanna is living an outwardly normal life of domestic content. Married to real estate agent Jacob, she’s also stepmother to his teenage daughter Joelle. They live in a beautiful home, and Hanna loves her career as a phlebotomist—a job perfectly suited to her occasional need to hurt people.

But when Joelle begins to change in ways that don’t suit Hanna’s purposes, her carefully planned existence threatens to come apart. With life slipping out of her control, Hanna reverts to old habits, determined to manipulate the events and people around her. And the only thing worse than a baby sociopath is a fully grown one.

With its dark humor and chillingly seductive protagonist, Dear Hanna is a stand-alone sequel sure to thrill returning and new readers alike.

Why this caught my eye:

The author’s name on this one caught my attention, I knew I recognized her. I read her other book a few years ago, Baby Teeth. If interested, my review on it is HERE. I remember enjoying the way the author writes and being really entertained by the book, even if it had flaws that affected how I rated it. Since Hanna was the only character I found sympathetic in Baby Teeth, I would love to see what Hanna is up to now. Like I said in my review of Baby Teeth, we all know how these books go. You know it, I know it. We’re reading to see how things fall apart.

Hum by Helen Phillips

Published: August 6, 2024 by Mary Sue Rucci Books

Check this book out at: Goodreads

Synopsis:

In a city addled by climate change and populated by intelligent robots called “hums,” May loses her job to artificial intelligence. In a desperate bid to resolve her family’s debt and secure their future for another few months, she becomes a guinea pig in an experiment that alters her face so it cannot be recognized by surveillance.

Seeking some reprieve from her recent hardships and from her family’s addiction to their devices, she splurges on passes that allow them three nights’ respite inside the Botanical Garden: a rare green refuge where forests, streams, and animals flourish. But her insistence that her son, daughter, and husband leave their devices at home proves far more fraught than she anticipated, and the lush beauty of the Botanical Garden is not the balm she hoped it would be. When her children come under threat, May is forced to put her trust in a hum of uncertain motives as she works to restore the life of her family.

Written in taut, urgent prose, Hum is a work of speculative fiction that unflinchingly explores marriage, motherhood, and selfhood in a world compromised by global warming and dizzying technological advancement, a world of both dystopian and utopian possibilities. 

Why this caught by eye:

I’m a fan of speculative fiction and science fiction. AI is the threat du jour at the moment and the media is all a flutter about the future of the technology. Admittedly it makes me a little bit nervous too, science fiction has an uncanny habit of predicting the future that I find disturbing. Anyway! This synopsis sounds really intriguing and I can’t wait to get it on my shelf.

Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler

Published: August 13, 2024 by Simon & Schuster

Check this book out at: Goodreads

Synopsis:

A powerful memoir that reckons with mental health as well as the insidious ways men impact the lives of women.

In early 2021, popular artist Anna Marie Tendler checked herself into a psychiatric hospital following a year of crippling anxiety, depression and self-harm. Over two weeks, she underwent myriad psychological tests, participated in numerous therapy sessions, connected with fellow patients and experienced profound breakthroughs, such as when a doctor noted, “There is a you inside that feels invisible to those looking at you from the outside.”

In Men Have Called Her Crazy, Tendler recounts her hospital experience as well as pivotal moments in her life that preceded and followed. As the title suggests, many of these moments are impacted by men: unrequited love in high school; the twenty-eight-year-old she lost her virginity to when she was sixteen; the frustrations and absurdities of dating in her mid-thirties; and her decision to freeze her eggs as all her friends were starting families.

This stunning literary self-portrait examines the unreasonable expectations and pressures women face in the 21st century. Yet overwhelming and despairing as that can feel, Tendler ultimately offers a message hope. Early in her stay in the hospital, she says, “My wish for myself is that one day I’ll reach a place where I can face hardship without trying to destroy myself.” By the end of the book, she fulfills that wish.

Why this caught my eye:

Historically mental heath has been turned into a weapon, used to take advantage of people and render them insignificant. Don’t listen to that person, they’re crazy! Oh, don’t bother so-and-so with that, they’re fragile and not well in the head! While this is true at scale it is particularly true of women. Mental health has often been used as a weapon against troublesome women. So the fact that this is the subject of this memoir was interesting to me. I am a bit familiar with the author’s art and had heard through the media grapevine about her mental health struggles. This seems like it will be an interesting and enlightening memoir.

Audiobook review: Briefly Perfectly Human by Alua Arthur

by Stefani

Briefly Perfectly Human by Alua Arthur

Narrated by: Alua Arthur

Published: April 16, 2024 by Blackstone Publishing

Buy this audiobook at: Audible / Kobo

Synopsis:

For her clients and everyone who has been inspired by her humanity, Alua Arthur is a friend at the end of the world. As our country’s leading death doula, she’s spreading a transformative message: thinking about your death—whether imminent or not—will breathe wild, new potential into your life.

Warm, generous, and funny AF, Alua supports and helps manage end-of-life care on many levels. The business matters, medical directives, memorial planning; but also honoring the quiet moments, when monitors are beeping and loved ones have stepped out to get some air—or maybe not shown up at all—and her clients become deeply contemplative and want to talk. Aching, unfinished business often emerges. Alua has been present for thousands of these sacred moments—when regrets, fears, secret joys, hidden affairs, and dim realities are finally said aloud. When this happens, Alua focuses her attention at the pulsing center of her clients’ anguish and creates space for them, and sometimes their loved ones, to find peace.

This has had a profound effect on Alua, who was already no stranger to death’s periphery. Her family fled a murderous coup d’état in Ghana in the 1980s. She has suffered major, debilitating depressions. And her dear friend and brother-in-law died of lymphoma. Advocating for him in his final months is what led Alua to her life’s calling. She knows firsthand the power of bearing witness and telling the truth about life’s painful complexities, because they do not disappear when you look the other way. They wait for you.

Briefly Perfectly Human is a life-changing, soul-gathering debut, by a writer whose empathy, tenderness, and wisdom shimmers on the page. Alua Arthur combines intimate storytelling with a passionate appeal for loving, courageous end-of-life care—what she calls “death embrace.” Hers is a powerful testament to getting in touch with something deeper in our lives, by embracing the fact of our own mortality. “Hold that truth in your mind,” Alua says, “and wondrous things will begin to grow around it.”

Rating:

Review: **Spoiler alert** Since this is a memoir style book, I cant give an adequate review without talking intricately about the plot. Therefore, the review will likely spoil portions of the book.

This book is one of those times that I feel like the synopsis sold me a completely different book than the book I received. What I expected was a memoir that had a heavy focus on what she had learned in her work with the dying and lessons that she had hoped to pass on. But that isn’t the book I read. Alua’s work as a death doula isn’t really covered until the very end of the book and almost none of it was in any sufficient detail to take away a lesson from it. Most of the stories were about how the client’s situation impacted her. Which, as a doula, is not supposed to be the focus. Hopefully this is just because it is her perspective of the story and she comes across to her clients as centered on them and their needs.

I’m also not sure it was the right decision for the author to narrate the book herself. Audiobook narration is a specific skillset and not everyone has it, not everyone is able to convey the story accurately and truthfully while also making it compelling for the listener. That is where this one failed. This work is supposed to be Alua’s passion. Her life mission. But I heard none of that passion in her narration. Her tone was quite monotone and slow, which made it easy for me to tune out and stop paying attention because it didn’t compel my attention.

A large portion of this book is also devoted to Alua’s experience as a black Ghanaian woman. Naturally this made race and racism a big theme in the book. But in some of the circumstances it was difficult to have sympathy for her. For example, when she arrives at a client’s home and is told by the client’s sons that “Sorry, we should have told you that our dad is a little racist”. Now, there is no excuse for the sons actions. They knew damn well that Alua was a black woman. They knew full well that their dad was a racist. So it was entirely abhorrent that they tried to hire her at all. If she had rejected the job and gone back home every single person reading would have cheered. But she decided to stay. Only to help the sons, not interact with their dad. They agreed. And then they pushed her to help their dad. Again, abhorrent behavior on their part. Every single person reading would have supported her in walking away immediately and going home. No one should subject themselves to racism and hatred directed at them. Never for a moment.

But again, she decides to stay and interact with the father and participate in his care. A decision that I thought displayed a level of empathy and compassion that I could never understand. Then, as she is sitting at this dying man’s bedside she is privately thinking about how she wishes that he is suffering, wishes that they wouldn’t give him pain medication so that he would die miserable. Relishing the idea that he would die with his last image being a black woman. My eyebrows raised almost off my head. Clearly she was unable to provide the client compassionate or empathetic care. She could not remain neutral. And I don’t blame her, I doubt anyone could. And they shouldn’t have to, let me be clear. But she had numerous opportunities to remove herself from the abhorrent situation and decline to work with them. She chose not to and then told us the story of wishing this dying man would be in more pain. That is gross. If she couldn’t give the family the same service she gives others then she shouldn’t have been there. Then she sums it up with it being “another situation where I diminished myself as a black woman for the comfort of white folks.” I feel like that was the wrong lesson. The real lesson should have been that she needed to advocate for herself as hard and passionately as she advocates for her clients.

Often time the stories that the author tells focus on her efforts to help the dying client “die with grace”. While this is a nice ideal, it often isn’t a reality. And it seems like an unreasonable burden to put on a dying person, to have grace. It feels like the expectation is performative. Die with grace so that all of your family can have a nice experience. I didn’t like it. It made me feel uncomfortable.

Overall, I don’t think this book was for me. I was expecting something completely different and I didn’t enjoy what I got.

Review: Love, As Always, Mum by Mae West

by Stefani

41947476._SY475_Love, as Always, Mum by Mae West

Published: September 6th, 2018 by Seven Dials

Buy this book at: Amazon | B&N

Synopsis: The true story of an abused childhood, of shocking brutality and life as the daughter of notorious serial killer, and master manipulator, Rose West.

You’re 21-years-old. Police arrive on the doorstep of your house, 25 Cromwell Street, with a warrant to search the garden for the remains of your older sister you didn’t know was dead. Bones are found and they are from more than one body. And so the nightmare begins. You are the daughter of Fred and Rose West.

‘Mae, I mean this … I’m not a good person and I let all you children down …’ Rose West, HM PRISON DURHAM

It has taken over 20 years for Mae West to find the perspective and strength to tell her remarkable story: one of an abusive, violent childhood, of her serial killer parents and how she has rebuilt her life in the shadow of their terrible crimes.

Through her own memories, research and the letters her mother wrote to her from prison, Mae shares her emotionally powerful account of her life as a West. From a toddler locked in the deathly basement to a teen fighting off the sexual advances of her father, Mae’s story is one of survival. It also answers the questions: how do you come to terms with knowing your childhood bedroom was a graveyard? How do you accept the fact your parents sexually tortured, murdered and dismembered young women? How do you become a mother yourself when you’re haunted by the knowledge that your own mother was a monster? Why were you spared and how do you escape the nightmare?

 

Rating: 4 star

Review: I have my mother-in-law to blame for my fascination with Fred and Rose West. Years back when I was dating my husband she heard that I am a fan of reading and a big fan of true crime. So she passed along a book about Fred West that she had just finished. Since then I’ve read several more. And on her last visit to us, as the wonderful enabler that she is, she brought me this. I was not quite sure what to expect since I know the children’s reactions to the discovery of the crimes and subsequent trial/imprisonment is varied. Some were supportive of their parents and others were vehemently against them.

I was not expecting to be as profoundly moved by this book as I was. I found myself empathizing and identifying with Mae West in a way that I didn’t foresee. While her parents might have been more than your typical brand of evil, the mark of an abusive childhood is unchanged. It was quite interesting to me to hear about the view of the crimes and their parents from one of the children. And I identified with her when she said that people didn’t understand how she could love her parents even when they abused her horrifically. That is the cycle of abuse. And my heart broke at this young woman who couldn’t find someone to understand. As a child in abuse, you can’t escape. You can’t just decide to not love your parents. You can understand that what they are doing isn’t right on one hand and also be desperately fearful that they’ll abandon you on the other. It’s incomprehensible to people who haven’t experienced years of emotional manipulation to accompany abuse.

What really struck me the most about this book was the growth that I saw in Mae over the course of it. She started out firmly convinced that while her father was a monsterand her mother was innocent. A terrible mother, but surely not an accessory to her husband’s crimes. I understood her stance. She couldn’t deny that her father was involved, the bodies were under the concrete that he laid, but she couldn’t lose both her parents too. So she decided that her mother was innocent. And my heart broke for her. I found myself having a mental conversation with her on more than one occasion in this book. Desperately trying to tell this confused young woman that there is light at the end of this long dark tunnel, she just needs to break away from the darkness of her mother.

Slowly, she did just that. My heart rejoiced for her and the feeling of the narrative changed to accompany her new discoveries too. What started as a depressing and heavy book was slowly transformed into a survival story that ends with a woman who has made a happy, thriving life for herself. Even though the entire deck was stacked against her.

This was a fantastic perspective on this case that I was very happy to read.