RIP Language of English

I can’t take it anymore and I am going to blog in anger about it. I could be doing a review right now, but I’m too annoyed.  The poor English language has endured so much abuse in the last several generations.  What the hell is happening to our society?  We’re turning into a bunch of illiterate morons who survive on constant entertainment and have an overly inflated sense of our own importance.   We have kids graduating from high school without being proficient in basic level math.  The US is one of the most wealthy and industrious nations to ever exist in the history of mankind, yet our children are stupider then some third world countries.  And still our kids believe that they are the most special and amazing little snowflakes on earth because….well, because they exist!  America, our stupidity is showing, and it irks me the most when it comes to proper language and grammar.  Here are my complaints:

1. Text speak.  What the fuck is wrong with you that you can’t type in complete words?  And don’t give me that bullshit excuse about how you need to preserve space because texts cost money.  If you haven’t discovered unlimited text packages by now then there’s no hope for you.  I refuse to converse with people who use terms like “gud” and “lke” and “h8”.  It makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out.  Now, I will be the first to admit that I tend to use internet acronyms and slang on occasion, but not when I want to actually appear to be an intelligent individual.

2. I hereby ban the word “basically” from the English language forever.  It means nothing in the context that it is used 99% of the time. If I have to hear “well basically….” before an explanation one more time I will shed someone’s blood!  What does it even mean!?  NOTHING!!  My breaking point was seeing it on the news.  A witness to a horrific crime was explaining what he saw and started it with, “well, you know, basically…” I wanted to scream at my television as I felt my IQ dip.  NO MORE BASICALLY!!  It means nothing!!  I even get angry at myself when I catch myself doing it.

3. I also hereby ban the word “like” from ever being used when not making a legitimate comparison statement.  Tell me folks, how many of these conversations have you heard?  “And then I was like, you know whatever.  And he was like, yeah.  And I was like no, that’s ridiculous.  And then it was like, oh my God!”  I would give anything to temporarily lose my hearing when I hear one of those.  It hurts my soul.

4. Stop using the word “whenever”.  The “ever” is unnecessary.  “When” is perfectly descriptive for what you are trying to convey.  Tell me, how does this make anybody sound intelligent?  A news anchor saying, “Whenever they got sentenced, the judge was exceptionally harsh considering the circumstances.”  I swear to God, I actually heard that!  Whenever they got sentenced?  Why is “when they were sentenced” not good enough?  Do you have to make yourself sound idiotic?  The news?  Really?  Not even the news is literate anymore.

5. Stop using the word “literally” in ridiculous ways!  Again, my breaking was hearing something like this (every day, all the time, nonstop):  “That movie was so scary, I literally jumped out of my skin.”  Did you? Really? You literally jumped into the air and removed yourself from your skin?  Yeah, somehow I didn’t that you did!  So stop fucking using the word literally when you don’t mean it literally then!?  I have lost more than one friend for lashing out over this one and making smart ass comments about their word choices.

And I won’t even get started on the destruction of grammar right now, I’d be here the rest of the night.  For now, let us all work on these things and hopefully make ourselves seem a tiny bit more intelligent.  Please?  For the sake of all that is good and right in the world, stop abusing the English language.


4 thoughts on “RIP Language of English

  1. I genuinely enjoyed this rant. What really irritates me is that text speak is the norm for teens, so the rare teen who really has a grasp on proper grammar is still likely to talk like the rest of them so (s)he will fit in. Sick.

    1. Agreed, I don’t think many people would know a real word if it bit them on the ass. My sister actually uses “lolz” in real speech, I’m ashamed of our genetic connection.

  2. This made me chuckle. I have to admit, I’m definitely guilty of overusing ‘literally’. It’s something I’m working on to stop haha. Great post though! There is nothing worse than ‘text speak’.

    1. Admittedly, I have caught myself using basically a lot and it aggravates me…even from myself. We all are guilty of being lazy with our language at times, it’s when that’s the norm that it gets to me the most.

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